how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
