Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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