this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
