So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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