is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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