i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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