I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
