chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
