Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
