I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
