So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
