careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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