Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
