went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
