I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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