i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
