You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
