Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
