I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
