Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
