she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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