I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
