I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
why is half of my head shaved?
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