im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
