My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
