DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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