Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
whose parrot is this?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
