dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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