im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
