Having a random hookup so left but love u
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
