Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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