i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
