i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Success! We fucked roommates!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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