I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
