I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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