yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
