Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
