the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
