theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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