I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
