we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
