Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
