That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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