Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
