My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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