I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
