I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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