You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
