Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
