I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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