she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
