thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
